The Happiest We

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I want YOU to love you
I don’t want you to need me to

Because I want to want to love and

Not feel obligated just to save you
I can’t know how to love you unless you show me

Spend time with you where you allow me to see

All the tiny cells of you and your soul

How else could I know which piece has fallen, when you don’t feel whole?
I want you to appreciate what it is to truly miss me

To be able to live our unique lives, sometimes separately 

With trust, loyalty and love

We’d sometimes find it tough,

But never slip into stale familiarity 
I want you to be YOU 

To do what you and your heart wants to do

To embrace your dreams

And create your legacy

To shine as bright as bright can be!
I want these things for you

Because I love these things about me,

And if we both have these things, 

Well, we would be the happiest “we”
– cre8ivflame

If it made you smile, give it a share 🙂

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Manifesting Her

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I wanna get inside you .. Slip between the layers 

In which you try to

Hide, where I cant find you..

And sing our song
I wanna nestle into your heart, 

Give it a little kick start

And Let 

my butter fly,

flutter for a while 
I wanna get in your fear,

Hold it close and be its calm, dear

For its there 

I know you’ll declare 

That I have won 
I wanna roam 

where no one goes, see

Be your one and only

And live the life 

Of death do us part 

  

I Want A Lady

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Someone who knows when to smile and wave in her high heels and her sexy confident manicured “appearance”. 
Someone who can strip down all the way to her high heels and embrace how sexy she is when she gets home. 
I want a lady who is willing to explore expand and create in the various areas of her life, Independently, for herself.. And then share those experiences with me through communication as opposed to assuming I know. 
A lady who know mine. 
I want a lady who welcomes compliments as much as she gives them. A lady who knows how amazing she is, but still falls deeper when she hears you acknowledge those things too. 
I want a lady who is generous and caring. Who knows when to ask “are you ok” because she has taken the time to learn me. 
I want a lady with whom I feel safe. A lady who I can completely be myself with, and not need their acceptance, or approval, but know that they love me enough to go make those mistakes, and be there when I come back with a “you told me so” and I WANT to be able to tell you that “I told you so” because when said with love, it isn’t chastising. It’s seeing the one you love, go out there, follow their heart and learn for themselves. I want a lady who ISNT AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES!!!
I want a lady who is passionate about the things in her life. Whatever it is. A lady who is creating her world the way she wants it to look, feel and be lived. 
I want a happy lady, and these are the things that I have found to keep me happy.

Reprogramming Pain into Pleasure

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She felt the change in her body as she moved pain to pleasure.. The pain of her penetrated pussy.. Swollen and stretched where her lover had been fucking her hard. She felt the pain merge into the memory. Her clit stood to attention as arousal woke up inside of her. She welcomed the pulses, each throb allowing her to relive last night. The pleasure grew and she began to feel the strap on inside of her. She remembered her fingers interlocked with her lovers.. That moment when all defenses dropped and she wanted to be taken.

“Erotic Novelist” – could that describe me one day?

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I set my knife down,  walked across the kitchen to the counter where my phone was charging.  I wanted to see what my crush had said.  Her distinctive ringtone had never failed to halt whatever I was doing, no matter what it is, and now was no exception.  Her ringtone, popcorn, sounded again. It had my full attention.

“I can’t stop thinking about you” the text read.  I  smiled.  Smitten, I was curious to know what she was actually thinking about.

“Really now? And prey tell what exactly it is that you are thinking about?”

I waited patiently for the response, debating whether I should resume my activities.  Just as I picked the knife back up, popcorn… a picture message notification sat on my lockscreen.  Slide to the right, and there she was.  Holy Fuck!  The look in her eyes said “I want you”.  Her slightly bitten lip and a breathe I imagined was mid inhale as she snapped the selfie turned me on instantly.  Wow! She was dressed with sophistication. Her makeup had way more thought in it than a “I’m running to the store” or “grabbing a drink” .. no… she was either doing something professional, or going somewhere elegant and planned.  I smiled at the thought of her being aroused, craving me while around a bunch of suits.

“So fucking sexy.. that half bitten lip looks delicious on you.  Where are you?” I wrote back.  Now I really didn’t want to pick my knife back up.  My mind started running wild with the possibilities.  Was she at a business meeting? Was she on break? Could she find a place to touch herself, pleasure herself while I tell her what the site of that picture makes me feel, and wanna do to her? I wonder if she brought any toys? If they only knew all the kinky things that took part on their corporate lunch breaks. Lol  Popcorn

“We are heading to our next location.  I wanted you to know I miss you, and I can’t stop thinking about last night.”

The images of our role play the night before flashed thru my mind.  Damn we are hot.

“Are you riding with anyone?” I quickly responded, realizing that time was already ticking. If there was any chance, it was on a timer; which worked for me, because I was really supposed to be cooking.  I washed my hands, and went into the bedroom to lay down. Either way I was already aroused. “No” she wrote back, with another selfie.  The rays of sun shon through her sunroof creating a halo around her angelic head.  I wanted to study the picture longer, but I’d do that later.

“So you won’t mind if I tell you how fuckable you look right now then?” I wrote back.. beginning to follow it up.   “I thought you were going to say you are on lunch-break, and my mind ran away with me.  I imagined commanding you to the bathroom, so that you could literally get off while I described what I’d do if I were there.  Before I knew it, you were already pushed up against the wall, my hand slid between your thighs, and breathless.”  Send

“Face to face.. my stare into your eyes, telling you to be quiet, quickly turns into, “I am so fucking hot for you”.  The attracting force of our kiss, coming together like magnets, and getting lost so much deeper than skin on skin.  Your hand jolting for mine as you feel sensitive.  My left hand blocking it, pushing it back up onto the wall..”

I click send, so that she can join me in my fantasy, and continue describing it as it unfolds in my mind.  We are together, I can feel her.

“… and slowly sliding down your arm, getting lighter with touch into an almost tickle that heightens every sense of you. “ I clicked send again.. I couldn’t keep her hanging.  This was a good resting point where her imagination could carry her thru my next descriptive.

I wondered where she would take it from there.  Where did her mind run to?  If she had the time to sit and intimately describe every moment of what this encounter felt like for her, what she wanted… I breathed in, intoxicated with the possibilities.. feeling the euphoric state of lust surround me, pulled the covers back over and continued to unfold the passion of the moment..

“You feel my fingers pressed up against your tights, blocking my entry.  The frustration pulsates in my clit as I know we don’t have time to change that.  No fuck that!  I tare a hole.. ”

“and then pull back off of you .. looking at you… taking in every pixel of what “you in complete submission” looks like.. all the firm lines of control and power smudged and erased by my presence. Your clothes wrinkled.  Your makeup smeared.. fuck you look hot…” I hit send.

“Mmmmmmm” comes thru in response.  I know she can’t drive, pleasure herself, and text so I continue, feeling so turned on at the thought of how I just completely infiltrated her day.. made her heart beat.. and her body feel alive.  That’s so fucking sexy.  Knowing how bad she probably wants to drive home right now, but can’t!!!  It’ll be early to bed tonight.  No TV.. just home, showered.. changed and bed.. maybe she’ll let me join her in the shower..

I realize my mind is running faster than I can type… I check the time.. it’s been about 30 minutes.. they can’t be far from their next stop.. time to leave her begging for me.. until she gets home…

“and only getting hotter as your body language turns into “Fuck me” with those lightly begging eyes.. I see you begin to land back into your surroundings..

the bathroom.. lunch-break.. your “fuck me hard” face fades into.. “oh shit did any of my coworkers come in here?” face.. and i smirk..” send.

“Sorry baby, that’s all you get for now.. I need to leave you time to recompose yourself.  I don’t want you transmitting “horny” to the rest of the world.  Those waves are mine.. ”

“Fuck Me! I can feel my clit throbbing.. you’re so naughty!!!”  I get back.  I smile.  She loves it.  I imagine how wet she probably is, and how she’ll have to excuse herself when she gets where she is going.  How she’ll smile as she enters the bathroom and replay the scene I’ve just descriptively laid out for her; her clit thumping again. Her mind questioning if she has long enough to quickly finish.

“Be careful cuming home” I write, laughing to myself. “I love you XOXO”

“You’re so wrong for that.  My kinda wrong XOXO” she signs off.

I reorient to my own surroundings.  I was cooking.  Cutting the veggies.  I lay back in the bed and continue to play out the fantasy, touching myself I imagine making hot passionate love to her right there on her lunch break.   I make it half way down her body, my tongue massaging her clit.  Her hands pressing my face closer.  She whimpers, incapable of keeping quiet.  I feel myself getting closer and imagine the vibrations of her moans on me.  The sound of her arousal as she makes love to me, her tongue.. her body..

My finger glides as I enter into autopilot, targeting the heightened stimulation and circulating until my clit can’t get any harder.  I feel my body release, and move involuntarily, grinding, surfing the waves of my orgasm and then coming in for the landing.  Fuck! I exhale.. holy fuck. How does she do that to me? I look back at the selfies that triggered it all… taking my time to really study this time.. falling deeper in love with every feature.  My heart feels full. “Earned It” comes on Pandora.

“Hello Universe.. Yes, yes I know.  I need to write this shit down”

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If you think I have what it takes to become a known author, please give this blog a share, or privately pass it on to your 50 shades of friends 😉  If I see enough response, then this will be the genre I choose for my first official novel.  Thank you!

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Why can’t I come home?

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So I’m totally having a panic attack right now. I am driving to the dentist and I was thinking about how difficult it is for me to come home? Actually I’m thinking about naming this blog, “why can’t I come home?”

While I was driving to the dentist, trying to ignore the panic, the sun was starting to rise and the view was absolutely magnificent!!! I didn’t stop… I continued to drive… I wanted to stop, but I didn’t… I was late for my dentist appointment, an appointment that I hadn’t  even made yet, but was hoping they could squeeze me in for… Yet I didn’t stop.

“I always stop. It’s the sunrise!! The sunsets… I stop.. it’s too beautiful not to stop .. why aren’t I stopping?”

I got to the end of the bridge … we have long bridges down here.. and when I got to the end, the guy that was up my ass, probably later for his day than I am for mine, swerved around me and took off… Empty boat..

I pulled over and waited till the traffic passed by, did a U-turn, and went and got my moment of beauty. In this late, panic stricken… struggling to breathe and focus moment, I CHOSE LOVE.. Loving myself.. During that 60 seconds that I allowed myself to stop, and take in the moment.. I did my deep breathing exercise.. one moment.. One 60 second moment. I chose to love myself for that moment and give myself that gift. The panic fell off of me.

I thought about the book I had read .. That time is a figment of our imagination.  What would it matter if I didn’t accomplish my goals at the dentist today? It really wouldn’t matter.  As it turns out, I got to the dentist a little late for their walk in suggested time.. The building was gone .. In its place stood a brand new Walmart.  I google mapped their new address and headed there instead.  In my haste, i’d forgotten to bring today’s book I am reading.  It’s okay tho because they scheduled me for tomorrow morning 🙂 I’ll get to see that glorious sunrise all over again!

I realized, while getting dressed today, that I missed my mirrors. While I’m working on loving the reflection that’s staring back at me .. Due to the weight I gained while in Europe.. I missed looking in the mirror and seeing the things I do like about myself… And the person I see when I imagine the weight gone. I missed my leather jacket. I love my leather jacket! I missed these sunrises.. The deep burnt orange and reds that my camera can’t even pick up. Home. I love home. I love my home. I can come home and feel safe… So why can’t I stop having panic attacks? Why do I feel so completely disfunctional?  I need to start making lists to make sure I get everything done, and don’t stay stuck in this scattered panicky place I always seem to find myself in when I am home.  But first …

Time to love myself….

One week in the Maltese Islands – $135

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Malta for $135 flights included…Bullshit right? Not really.. I just finished a week in Malta for $135, including my flight, accommodations, food, a movie WITH popcorn!, and an open air bus tour of the island of Gozo (which wasn’t necessary with public transport but I felt like spoiling myself) sooooo… You wanna know how to get in on this fantastic budget vacation? I can only share with you how I did it.

I flew to Malta for $30 out of Liverpool airport in England. Now before I lose you because you aren’t in England.. I’d like you to check out my blog on how to get to Europe for as little as possible by clicking here. Doing a European tour is NOT as expensive as I always thought it would be, which was always the reason it remained a dream; until now! Okay, so once you are in Europe, you will want to take advantage of Ryanair and Easyjet airlines. They have amazing specials on flights to hop from country to country. You may have read about my $20 round trip ticket to Dublin Ireland and back.. Or maybe the one to Norway? If not.. Catch up!! 🙂 The key to a frugal flight is baggage. Ryanair allows one carry on with specific measurements and weights, and one personal bag.. A laptop bag or something of the sort. I’ve yet to write a specific blog on how I pack everything I need into this small space, but the keyword has become vaccuum seal bags for my clothing. My pack is actually double the weight limit but there’s never a scale at the gate, so as long as it doesn’t appear to be completely outside of the size range, you will make it thru. Additionally, Ryanair is very proud of their on time percentages, so if you wait until the last to board the plane, they won’t want to hold up the plane just to weigh you for your $50 checked baggage fee. If you are planning on packing more.. It’s an additional $15 to check a bag on each trip. Soo.. One carry on backpack (45L) and one personal backpack, and I’m on my way for $30.
I am a proud member of the community. I say proud, because it isn’t only a FREE way to find a place to sleep in the various places I am traveling thru, it is a way to get to know the locals, a way to make new friends, and for the Lone Ranger like myself, it’s a perfect way to network, and get insight on how the locals do things… Which is usually the cheapest! In Malta I was offered a place to stay by the amazing, friendly, welcoming Dollar Dubassey. He opened his home to me, offering me a room of my own, with plenty of closet space to unpack and make myself at home. I always ask if there is wifi when offered a place to stay, because I work online, so this is important for me. Click here for an awesome break down of how to write your couchsurfing profile. Hosts aren’t just looking to give a bed to sleep in.. They usually want to exchange information and learn about my lifestyle in America, or improve their English by interacting… Or give back what they have been given when traveling. Be prepared to interact because it totally adds to the travel experience, and it’s how you will continue to learn new travel tips, new contacts, the best places to see, or eat.. Get out of that comfort zone!!!

My host was kind enough to send his gf to pick me up from the airport, which was great because the most daunting feeling is landing in a country that isn’t written in English, with an address.. Unless you’ve done extensive research about public transportation, you’ll probably take a cab, and that can get expensive. Luckily I have been to Malta before, so I remembered that all buses lead to Valetta! 🙂 for $20 you can purchase a week of public transportation. Buses can get you anywhere you want to go on the island, and to the ferries to take you to other islands. If you aren’t staying a week then it is good to know that you can pay $1.50 on the bus for one trip, that is good for two hours if you need to transfer. The weekly passes can be purchased at the newspaper stalls at the main bus station in Valetta. I purchased 12 single trips for $15, and the transfers still apply. I had 5 trips left when I departed and passed the card on to my next couch surfing host in Bari, Italy as I believe she will be visiting soon for a weekend. The pass is good for a year! Pay it forward!! There’s always someone in the bus stations and airports that are just arriving, and can use any unused travel tickets or time.. I always pay it forward if I can.

Okay.. So we are now at $45 and we have transportation, accommodations, and we have arrived!!! My first morning, I took a stroll along the waterfront for a breathtaking view, and found a restaurant with a full English breakfast for $5.. I couldn’t beat the price (so I thought) and with that view, I thought it impossible.. But as you can see, it wasn’t.
After breakfast I boarded a bus.. It hadn’t gone three stops and I hopped back off because the view was just too beautiful to miss.

I hopped back on another one, using my transfer, and rode into Valetta. Everywhere you go in Malta is beautiful.. The only way I can attempt to share just how beautiful it all is, is by sharing my photography gallery of the Maltese islands, which you can find here.
After walking around the tiny streets, up and down the stair cases, and down and around the roads.. I found the Barrakka Gardens. Actually they found me as I happened to be standing underneath them at noon when the cannons fired. The view from here is one that shouldn’t be missed, and I spent quite some time taking pictures of different angles.

While posting my pictures to Facebook, it was suggested, by a Maltese local friend that I made in Girls Love Travel, that I take the elevator down to the ground floor and follow the signs to the Three Cities. The signs lead to a dock where there is a ferry or a personal little boat that will take you across the water for €2. I highly recommend doing this as it was one of the highlights of my trip. The view is even more spectacular from the water.

Once in Victoriosa, I did some more walking around, taking more pictures and seeing more beautiful views. One of the keys to frugal travel is to steer away from the traditional tourist traps of attractions and ticket fees and just walk around and see the place for yourself!
After this walk around I felt pretty tired and the sun had set, so I took the bus back to Valetta and a second one back to Sliema. I picked up a spinach cheese roll at the bus station for $1 and called it a night!

Day 2 – Marasaxlokk
It was a beautiful ride to see Marsaxlokk. First I took the bus to Valetta, and then transferred. Fortunately the bus was waiting and though it was hot on board, we opened up the windows, and enjoyed the ride. It was about 50 minutes altogether, but the views of the towns that we passed thru to get there made it quite enjoyable. Marsaxlokk sits on the southern border of Malta and is the famous fishing village of the country. On Sunday’s, there is a market, and the streets are flooded with people. Small restaurants like the waterfront where you can watch the fishing boats come in with their latest catch. The fish are cleaned and cooked on the spot and served in the restaurants. Swordfish was the fish of the day the day that I was there.

I had packed my sandwiches, some cookies and bottled water for lunch, and sat by the water, watching the colorful boats.. I painted an old boat that was hauled out of the water and looked like it was waiting to be repainted.

It was a lazy day where I mostly sat and enjoyed the atmosphere. I took a lot of photos and then took the bus back to Valetta, went home and later walked to st Julian’s bay. I could’ve taken a bus, but the work was scenic along the water front. Originally I left because I thought I was hungry, but actually I just wanted to be out and about. The day didn’t cost anything additional as I ate from the groceries ($13) and my transit was already paid for.

 

Day 3 – MDina, Rabat and the catacombs.. Dingli Cliffs!!!
There is a Facebook group called Girls Love Travel. If you’re a female and you love to travel, then you NEED to join this group. It is full of amazing women who share their tips and travel hacks with each other.  On this site I met Lisa who lives in Malta, and was willing to show me around for a day.  I couldn’t have asked for a better guide, and now new friend!  She brought me to some of the most picturesque places that I would’ve probably never found on my own… She brought me to the best Pastizzi place on the island where all of the locals go.  At 30 cents a piece, how can you go wrong?  We then walked around the Silent City of MDina, where the view from the Tea shop was impressive.

The catacombs were really interesting, and kinda scary.  St Pauls catacombs is a Must See.  I don’t often say that when there is a ticket price involved, but for $6 it is completely worth it.  Here is a video

its easier than trying to describe this underground network of tombs that goes on for miles.  If you like mazes, you’ll love this place!

Day 4 – Mission Harley Davidson Poker Chips

So when my trip to Europe first began, I agreed to pick up Harley Davidson poker chips from around the world, which has turned out to be more difficult than it originally sounded.  Public transport does get you anywhere, but it takes a considerable amount of time usually.. and on island time you can add an hour to that easily some days.  Since I had failed in Ireland and Norway, i definitely didn’t want to fail here, and as it turned out, Lisa works practically next door to the Harley shop, so she was kind enough to give me a ride.

Mission Accomplished.

From here I decided to check out Blue Grotto.  Originally I had planned on continuing north to the ferries and heading to the island of Gozo, but I figured that would be a whole day, so Blue Grotto was closer to home and made more sense.  Again, I took a bus to Valetta, and then a second one out to Blue Grotto.. spending $0 to do so.  There was only myself and a local lady on the bus, and we talked the whole way there.  She told me about some ancient temples that weren’t too far from Blue Grotto, and how the sunset there was magnificent.  Now that I have seen it, I agree, and that is why it is the main picture on my blog.  Blue Grotto was a lot of hiking up and down the hillside.. it is basically cliffs with caves, and if it hadn’t been so windy, I would’ve paid the $8 to take a glass bottom boat into the lagoons.. as it happens the wind was too strong, so I decided to sit and paint the view.  A few other tourists came by, and we took some photos on dangerous looking cliffs.. the drop was endless!

After this, I hiked down to the bottom where a few buildings were in order to use the bathroom.  Public bathrooms are few and far between in Europe FYI .. that is a blog of it’s own.  I scored the last tuna roll at the cafe for $2, with a litre of water for $1.50 and was on my way.

I then hiked back up to the top, back to the road.  About two miles to the North was the Hiram Temples, built before the egyptian pyramids!  I wasn’t able to see them due to the museum closing, but I did hang out and get some great shots of the sunset!

Malta Sunset

Once I got home I decided to try out Lisas’ suggestion on the kebab shop, and devoured this vegan turkish wrap for $5! Need to find the picture on my facebook

Day 5 – St Julians Bay

On the 5th day I took it easy.  I went out with Dollar the night before, and decided to sleep late.  I was glad to get to know him, because I was starting to think we wouldn’t have an opportunity due to his busy work schedule.  Dollar is an amazingly friendly young man.  He is completely humble, and I am fortunate to have met him.  The words that stand out that most are “this is your house, do what you want and help yourself” and “i don’t like football because this is the problem.  Me and you are friends.  You like one team, and I like another team.  Now we argue.  Football makes arguements, and this is problem” That pretty much sums him up.

I took a walk to St Julians Bay.. along the water front, nothing hasty just strolling along for as long as I wanted to.  Along the way I saw some pretty unique sights… the sandstone beaches.. P1010281

Some rectangle cuts into the stone in the Mediterranean Sea that even had steps leading into the water where people swim in the summer time..

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and a very built up St Julian’s Bay from what i remembered in 1994.  It certainly can give Ibiza a run for its money now.  There isn’t any violence on the island, and people typically stay out late, drinking, dancing and having fun.  Everyone is respected, and in the fall and spring months, the weather is tolerable.  The winter felt friendly enough to me also.  In the summer however, temperatures can get up into the 120-130 degree range.. so be prepared! In St Julians I walked around the bowling alley.  It hadn’t changed much.  My mother bowled in international tournaments there, and I remembered standing behind the lanes watching her compete.  I almost felt like she was there with me again as I watched the lanes.  Across the street is the cinema where my sister and I watched Mrs Doubtfire with subtitles.  Our gran was with us that year.  Malta will always have a special place in my heart.  I watched a movie, and then headed back to my apartment…

Day 6 – The Island of Gozo

My final tourist day was a total splurge!  I took the bus to the top of the island where i caught a ferry to the island of Gozo! It was blistering cold shooting the video of the arrival into the port, but so magnificent that i couldn’t resist!  The ferry cost $5 return trip that was to be paid on the way back.

so, with it being my last day, i splurged and bought myself an open air bus ticket for $10 – this is a hop on hop off tour of the entire island.  since it took me so long to get there, there was only one bus behind mine, so i could only jump off in one place, but i knew ahead of time where the place was that i wanted to see the sunset.. it was Azur’s Window, the filming place of the famous wedding in Game of Thrones.  It was BEAUTIFUL!!!! I actually missed the last tour bus back to the port, but public transportation there is the same as Malta so my card worked, and I took a bus after sunset to Victoria, and then a transfer back to the ferry.

Traveling in foreign places can be scary.  I keep saying, get this bus and that bus .. but it isn’t as simple as that in person.. there is some fear.. not knowing exactly where your bus stop is, for example.  Everything is in a different language and it can be intimidating.  Valetta has about 20 bus stops with 2-3 buses coming into each one.  For someone like me, who hates asking for help, it will definitely help you fine tune that skill… but don’t let that stop you from getting out there and seeing the world.. practice makes perfect! Be prepared to walk, maybe miles sometimes.. and above all else, trust that no matter what, you will be okay.  Listen to your gutt, and you will be safe.

welcome to gozo!