I wrote this in 2014…
There are a lot of reasons I permitted myself to drink. Excuses. Sadness. Relationship problems. Work problems. Financial problems. Family problems. Your problems. My problems. Life problems. Death problems. Problems period…
Reasons for which i just knew i should drink. Excuses.
Joy! Relationship success. Work success. Financial success. Family success. Your success my success life success success period!!!! Bottoms up!!
Then there were those days when neither problems nor success came my way… And I failed at trying to create either for an excuse to drink, so I drank.
Truth is I drank because I liked the effect that alcohol had on my body, on my mind, and on my heart. That liquid courage that permitted me to start… Start that conversation with a beautiful lady.. At least thru beer bottle glasses she was beautiful..
The super powers it gave me to numb my emotions, the perfect potion, why wouldn’t I give it absolute devotion? Why aren’t you? Have you tried this shit? And they say I’m the one with the problem…
The permission it gave me to just not care, no need to be aware of others and their shit of course unless they had something to give, or share, then I was there.
My favorite was its ability to allow me to avoid… I don’t have to elaborate… Wait what? Avoid what? Why life of course.
So today I am proud to say that I can celebrate that while those excuses have still blessed my life, loss of love, child, and good friends wife, a medical emergency, a surgery, and possibly being fatally sick, i didn’t drink not a lick… I stand sober and dry with my new clear minds eye which affords me the ability to see who I want to be. A productive member of society… A worthwhile employee… A friend – a very best friend, selfless honest loyal and true who knows its not about me but what can I do for you… A daughter to a father whose spent years concerned, a lover to another that I won’t crash and burn. An example a supplier of a glimmer of hope to the next who can’t vision their life without dope.
All the excuses in the world could never convince me that they’re reason enough to give up living in sobriety.