I’m a food addict

This morning I’d like to get to the flea market and back in time for my very first…. Dum dum duuuuuuuuummmm
Over eaters anonymous meeting! Yes ladies and gentleman, there is such a thing .. A 12 step meeting for people with a food addiction. Food addiction? Is that even possible? I know when I think about food addiction I imagine someone who just can’t stop eating.. And well.. Technically that’s everyone. None of us can survive without food. That’s what makes this addiction the mother of all addictions. I can eat a donut without worrying about law enforcement locking me up.. It’s legal! I can eat a chocolate bar without getting buzzed or intoxicated. No one can tell of I’ve had one or ten. I’ve never eaten 10.. But I’m just saying.. Do you know a food addict? Would you know a food addict if you saw one? 
Now you may think of that really fat person and say yes.. But what you’re about to read will open your eyes to all the food addicts that are around you. To be honest.. I don’t know why there aren’t more OA meetings than AA… 
So in my mind, a food addict is anyone who binge eats, starves themselves, chooses to purge, spends ample time in mirrors, spends ample time thinking about food.. Whether it’s craving more, or repelling it more.. It might even be the obsession of eating healthy. If food takes up more than its fair share of your thoughts, then you may have a food problem?  
For me, it’s time to seek out help because I can’t stop craving sugar. While in England, I binge ate my way thru more chocolate than anyone needs jn a lifetime. If you’ve ever had chocolate from England then you’ll understand. The first thing I did when I landed in London was buy a bounty and a pack of malteasers. These are my two favorites, and I literally missed them. As a kid, I would stop at the shop on my way to school and steal mars bars, or a bounty. Bounty is kinda like a mounds but better. <– see that.. I have judgements about food. I’ve spent enough time thinking about chocolate bars that I’ve ranked them. Now you may be thinking.. “That doesn’t mean you’re an addict” and maybe you’re right.. But I’m a long way away from the “food is fuel” mentality, and that’s where I need to be. I don’t have the luxury of indulging in my taste buds, and satisfying my pallet. I’m an addict.. When I find something I like.. I want more.. I always want more. I liked having that amazingly heavenly taste of a galaxy in my mouth.. It stopped me from thinking about whatever I was thinking about.. It interrupted my anxiety with a “breaking news, this shit is soooo good” and it comforted me. There’s a reason we call a select group of foods “comfort food”.  

Take a minute to think about the role that food has played in our evolution.. The access we had to it in the beginning versus now.. The energy we used to spend, hunting, preparing, and cooking our food.. Growing and farming our food.. Versus driving to a store to buy a weeks’ supply at a time. Now that we have the technology to store food for long periods of time, we can buy it in bulk, and it’s cheaper.. That’s always a huge contender in my food thinking. Budget. Dollar menus when I’m out and about.. I’d say Raman noodles but I don’t really like them. I have to say.. I eat what my budget can afford. If I have more money.. I eat more.. When I’m really broke.. I barely eat anything.. But when I do.. It’s the cheapest food possible. None of it is healthy tho, and it keeps me at a stable level of obesity.
Lately I’ve gained so much weight that I fear I am going to die. When I have a panic attack, I am sure that this is the heart attack I’ve feared for so long. I feel my weight stressing my back, my hips, my feet. I feel my heart pushing harder to do its job. My blood pressure spikes. I feel the pulse in my neck.  
I go all day, locked in my house so I can’t eat anything unhealthy.. And then at night time I count down the time until dollar general closes.. Debating if I’m going to go get that bag of gummy bears. In my mind it’s just one bag, but I never leave with just one pack of candy. I tell myself I’m going to ration it, but the first bag is usually gone before I even get home. Once the packet, bag, container etc is open.. I mindlessly eat my way thru the whole thing. It doesn’t even register.. I don’t even taste it.. I zone out into an autopilot of eating.. And then come to when it’s empty… And I want more. It takes some serious effort to savor the flavor for me. The other day I made myself savor the flavor of a milk dud. I wasn’t allowed to chew it at all. I had to savor every part of it, right down to the last whisper of caramel dissolving into nothing. I usually eat half a box in the time it took me to savor that one. I usually throw two or three in my mouth.. Chew enough to taste that sugary sweet and then swallow. It’s slowing myself down enough to acknowledge that that makes me realize just how much I eat when I’m not paying attention. Eating and doing something else.  
When I got home, I consulted a weight loss surgeon. If I don’t do something, something drastic, I’m going to die. It’s as simple as that. Being in Europe, I often felt like the fattest person in the country. I felt noticeably obese… Unless there were other tourists. The locals weren’t fat. It wasn’t until I landed back in Dallas, Texas that I felt “normal” because half of the people I the airport were also obese. It was quite an alarming moment for me to see such a contrast.  
  I have to say tho, in Malta, Italy, Spain and Norway.. I noticed that bottled water was about half the price of a soda.. Maybe even less. Fruit and vegetables were considerably cheaper than chocolate and candy. Eating healthy was much more affordable than eating junk. In addition, the grocery stores were smaller.. Little walk in shops that people walked to.. By huge chain supermarket warehouses that had huge parking lots so everyone could drive there. I’d walk to the shop, purchase what I could carry.. And walk back.. Carrying it up to the 4th or 5th floor where I was staying. Over there.. People walk.. Not a “30 minutes to get my exercise in” kinda walk .. Just literally walk as a means of transportation. It’s completely different to here.  
Well.. I’m 20 minutes past the time I wanted to leave.. So I’d better get a move on.. But I think I’m going to buy a bike today. Where I live is 4.5 miles to the closest grocery store. My food would spoil if I walked it. America just isn’t set up to be healthy. At least not where I live. Time to change that perception!