So what’s it like living with panic attacks and having Airbnb guests (strangers!!!) in my home with me?
Here we go again .. Panic… It’s when I am home…. And they’re here..
I’m sitting at my laptop trying to focus .. Trying to get the cursor over the “login” so I can put pandora on while I sit and do some work.. And Nope! I jump up, no longer able to fight it off… That’s the jolt of anxiety that crosses the line and panic.. If I could just quit fighting it before I get to that volt then I’d never have another panic attack. I am freaking out right now. No I’m not. I am not freaking out. I am calm. I am breathing.. Deep breathing.. I need to open my body from this curled hunched over sitting position I lock myself into every time.. Feverishly typing away to exert the energy.. Thumbs clicking fast.. That’s the energy I am exerting in these moments of sheer panic.. I need to MOVE.. Go out.. Get some exercise.. Fill my air with lungs, and the warmth from outside.. I’ve been home for a week and barely left the house. Only if I had to to get my checklist done. There ya go.. Keep breathing… Relax.. It’s okay.. We know it’s okay.. It’s always okay.. We are safe. False alarm.. You can leave the room … That would be a test to see if I’m grounded already ..” But what if they’re up? What if they are out there getting breakfast??? What if they TALK!!!???? ” oh fuck.. I guess not because now I’m sitting back in my huddled position .. I didn’t even stand up or get a step towards the door.. Okay.. Okay.. Let’s slow that down … We aren’t focusing on gettin to the kitchen right now .. That’s a future goal.. We are just standing up.. That’s it.. Right now in this moment we need you to arch your back.. That felt good didn’t it! Did you close your eyes, holding it in the arched position? Stretch your neck from side to side? Breathe in and feel some of the pressure melt off of you? Apparently not because you’re back here reading this.. Okay .. Try it again.. This time.. If you feel relaxed, and the panic lessens.. Stay mindful! Mindful of the moment!!! Stay in the moment!!!!
What did you see? Did you see the deep rich orange connecting with the horizon.. Faultlesssly… If you’re grounded.. You’ll have noticed that there are 3 S’s in that word.. (If you didn’t, then skip down) And you can get up and do whatever it was that you were trying to do before panic set in.
IF YOU DIDNT..
did you see the orange fade into yellow.. And into white as the Suns outer rays of light begin the process of lighting our day? Did you see the size of the sun? Nighttime is just its shadow.. Did you see the Suns shadow in the picture?
Did you see the water? The still perfect mirror reflection of the glorious sunrise, zig zagging thru the sand… There.. Still in the Suns shadow lies the sand. You can’t see it, but it’s there. Trillions of tiny grains of sand… Did you see them?
Did you see the crescent moon, and the North Star? Did you see how defined they look in this picture, taken by an iPhone… Amazing! Did you stop and look at the moon long enough to see how little of it is receiving light.. And how long a day must be on the moon? Did you see the earths’ shadow? Did you see everything else, around the picture.. Everything that this tiny little lens couldn’t fit in… Can you see it? Can you stay still, long enough, breathe deep enough… And see … The oceans.. The mountains.. The towns.. The people.. The lives.. The ideas… The love… Can you SEE the love? Can you GIVE the love? what do I LOVE about Airbnb guests?
- I love sharing travel stories – like these guys are traveling all of the southern states. It’s their first trip as just a couple, without other friends.. And they are engaged.. He proposed to her at Niagra Falls.. He is from India and she is from Iran. They are humble. These are the last of the 50 states that they have left to see. Maris Gras in New Orleans was on their bucket list.. And I was a part of making that happen. … There is love..
- I love being their first Airbnb experience… For this couple I am their first experience in an Airbnb. I get to share with them the local feel.. The travelers feel.. It’s not just a hotel room.. Or a cheaper way to travel… It’s being invited in.. Into the world of travel community.. It’s learning from each other .. How to travel.. New ways to travel .. New ideas are born.. For some people, it is a way to save money.. That’s how it started for me.. But it’s become a family… A network of people who are just like me.. Born to wander the earth..
- I love that I get to meet people from all over the world.. Even when I’m not traveling, and I am home.. I’m still involved. I’ve met people from different states all over the USA.. And other countries too!!
- I love getting a postcard from them when they get back home. 😍
Well.. I’m grounded .. If you still aren’t grounded.. Take your meds.. 😉